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Season 1, Episode {{{number}}}
[[File:The Ugliest Weenie, Part 1 & 2 Title Card.png|250px]]
Air date August 12, 1997
Storyboard by Greg Emison
Written by David Feiss
Directed by David Feiss
Robert Alvarez
Episode guide
I.R. Big Star

The Ugliest Weenie, Part 1 & 2 is the fifth of two segments from the episode "The Ugliest Weenie, Part 1 & 2", the fifth episode of the first season of Cow and Chicken, and the second episode overall. The episode premiered on August 12, 1997 on Cartoon Network.


Early in the morning at Cow and Chicken's house, Cow is putting the finishing touches on the script for her play, "The Ugliest Weenie." Cow is excited to be finished, but ends up falling down the stairs and landing on Chicken. After he recovers, he snatches Cow's book and starts reading the script. He laughs at it and calls it stupid. Cow tries to take her book back, but Chicken runs off to school with it.

At the lockers, Chicken approaches Flem and Earl, and shows them the script. He reads part of it aloud, and a crowd gathers to listen. Chicken and his friends are the only ones laughing, and Cow starts to cry. But, the drama teacher, Mr. Fleur, was also listening, and loved what he heard. He declares that Cow's play will be the next big school production, and asks someone to volunteer for the lead role. Flem shoves Chicken forward, and Mr. Fleur takes this as Chicken volunteering. Chicken flees from the school screaming.

Later, at home, Chicken is packing his bags. Cow enters and asks why he is doing that. Chicken declares that running from home is better than being an ugly weenie on stage. Cow then brings in her new friend, Wee-Wee, a cute red-headed girl with a French accent. Cow says that Wee-wee will be playing the Ugliest Weenie's love interest. Wee-wee flirts with Chicken, and asks him to reconsider dropping out of the play. Chicken is smitten with Wee-wee, but says he will be part of the backstage crew instead.

At school, rehearsals have started. Mr. Fleur has the students perform the opening number, while Chicken is in the rafters, operating the giant hand that interacts with the food characters. Chicken notices Wee-Wee next to Flem, playing with his hair. Chicken demands an explanation, and Cow tells him that Flem is now playing the Ugliest Weenie. Chicken vows to destroy Flem. As Mr. Fleur sets up the next scene, Chicken starts untying a backdrop from the rafters, so it will hit Flem as he sings on stage. Mr. Fleur gets into Flem's spot to provide more direction, but gets hit by the giant backdrop. While Fleur shows Flem the proper dance steps, Chicken triggers a trapdoor, but Mr. Fleur falls through it instead.

At that moment, the Red Guy shows up, mocking the production's failures, and telling the viewers that it is time for a commercial break. After returning from the commercials, the Red Guy recaps the first part of the episode, and gets into an argument with a random kid off screen over which part of the show is about to happen. He orders the kid to be removed by a nurse.

Finally, the premiere of the play has arrived. All the parents have arrived to watch their kids perform. Backstage, a battered and bandaged Mr. Fleur makes a last minute announcement. Flem has caught the chicken pox, and can't perform. They need someone to take his place. Chicken, eager for time with Wee-Wee, volunteers to take Flem's place. Mr. Fleur is overjoyed, but adds that Flem gave his chicken pox to Wee-Wee. Fortunately, Cow was willing to be her understudy. Chicken is horrified.

The play begins with the opening number. Inside a refrigerator, a pack of weenies sings about how beautiful they are. Chicken, wearing his Ugly Weenie costume, joins in and sings about how no one likes him because of his shriveled, unappetizing appearance. The other weenies jeer at the ugly weenie, until a pretty weenie (Cow) offers to help. She inflates the ugly weenie with a pump, so he looks less shriveled, and the giant hand picks it up. A biting noise is heard, followed by spitting. The ugly weenie lands back on stage, and the pretty weenie is picked by the hand. She says that she still loves the ugly weenie anyway.

The ugly weenie laments his situation, but the other weenies singing interrupt him. The pretty weenie and all the others have been run through with forks and sticks and are being roasted over a fire (carried by a stagehand with a torch). They say that they would rather be ugly than being stabbed and cooked. At that moment, a pack of ugly weenies step on stage, and everyone starts singing the final number. It's a real toe-tapper, with parents getting out of their seats and dancing. Cow gets down from the fork and dances with Chicken, who finally seems to be enjoying himself. Mr. Fleur watches with tears in his eyes, happy that the production has gone well. But, he accidentally gets his foot caught in the rope carrying the giant hand prop, and it falls, causing him to smack into the torch prop. The torch falls against the curtain and quickly starts a fire in the auditorium.

Everyone escapes and the fire department is called. As the firemen use their hoses, Mr. Fleur asks how Cow is feeling about her big production potentially being ruined. Cow takes the situation in stride, and says she is working on her next play, "The Bravest Tapeworm." She adds that she has a role in it just for Chicken. Chicken screams and runs away...into the still burning auditorium. He comes back out with his costume smoldering. A fireman hoses him down and stomps on him to put the remaining flames out. Cow reminds Chicken of their mother's advice, "Never run into a burning school auditorium."