Cow and Chicken Wiki
Pirates Lessons
Season 2, Episode {{{number}}}
[[File:Pirates Lessons Title Card.png|250px]]
Air date January 20, 1998
Storyboard by Greg Emison
Written by David Feiss
Directed by David Feiss
Robert Alvarez
Episode guide
Halloween with Dead Ghost, Coast to Coast

Pirate Lessons is the first of three segments from the episode "Pirate Lessons, Halloween with Dead Ghost, Coast to Coast" the first episode of the first season of Cow and Chicken, and the fifteenth episode overall. The episode premiered on January 20, 1998 on Cartoon Network.


The Red Guy knocks on Cow and Chicken's door. Mom and Dad answer and ask what he wants. The Red Guy, scrambling to think of a way to scam them, offers to clean their carpets, teach the kids piano, and finally, to show them how to be pirates. Mom and Dad are all too eager to sign them up for pirate school. Soon, Cow, Chicken, and "Captain Buttz Pirate" begin their classes on a pirate ship in a man-made pond.

Captain Buttz Pirate starts off their lessons with Pirate Jargon, and makes them say "Arrgh!" with feeling. Next, they hoist the Jolly Roger. Instead of the familiar black skull-and-bones flag, it is a large man named Roger, who sings everything he says. Afterwards, they knit eye patches and carve peg legs from wood, with varying degrees of success(Chicken's peg leg sports a red high heel and fishnet stockings). Afterwards is the treasure hunting class. Immediately after burying the treasure, Cow points to the hole it is in to "find" it.

After this, the group hoists the anchor and actually sets sail through the pond. The boat smashes into a bait shop nearby, and Captain Buttz Pirate orders Cow and Chicken to pillage it. The siblings steal big handfuls of earthworms, but quickly want to stop touching the wiggly bugs. The captain is frustrated and says they have one more chance to prove themselves to be real pirates. He points to a nearby rowboat, where Flem and Earl are fishing. He orders Cow and Chicken to plunder the rowboat, and throw Flem and Earl overboard. Cow and Chicken refuse to harm their friends. The captain decides to fire a cannon at them, sinking their dinghy. Cow and Chicken are mad at this, and when the captain threatens to keelhaul them, the siblings grab their wooden swords and force Buttz Pirate to walk the plank. He falls into the water and gets attacked by a pond shark. Cow and Chicken commandeer the ship, and sail it out of the pond and through the city streets.

A bit later, Chicken calls Mom and Dad from a payphone, asking for bus fare so he and Cow can get home. Mom and Dad spout pirate lingo at each other, and start a crazy laughing fit. Chicken, annoyed, says "Never mind," to the bus fare and leaves with Cow. The episode ends with Mom and Dad's laughter still coming through the payphone.