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Cows Instincts... Don't It?
Season 1, Episode {{{number}}}
[[File:Cow Instincts... Don't It? Title Card.png|250px]]
Air date September 16, 1997
Storyboard by Greg Emison
Written by David Feiss
Directed by David Feiss
Robert Alvarez
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Squirt the Daisies

Chicken's First Kiss is the first of three segments from the episode "Cows Instincts... Don't It?,Ballerina Cow, I.R. Plant Life" the tenth episode of the first season of Cow and Chicken, and the tenth episode overall. The episode premiered on September 9, 1997 on Cartoon Network.

Plot[]

During recess at school, it's the girls' turn to choose the game. The girls decide to have Cow come up with the game. She chooses "Girls Chase the Boys," where the boys are blindfolded, get hit with dolls, and have to go to the "jail" inside the dumpster. While the boys run from the girls, a girl named Whiney chases Chicken with a Perspiring Pam doll. He runs into a wall and gets tagged, and sent to the jail. A bit later, all the boys have been tagged and sit in the dumpster.

Chicken talks to Flem and Earl, but Flem points out that Whiney has a crush on Chicken. Whiney compliments Chicken's waddle, then kisses him on the beak. The kids all tease Chicken about the kiss, which makes him mad. He stomps over to the boys to make them stop, but the boys panic, saying Chicken has cooties now. Flem and Earl explain what will happen to him: his beak will shrivel up and fall off, his tongue will swell to sixteen times its normal size, his butt will fall off, and his eyeballs will pop out of his face. Chicken begs the other boys for help, but they all scream and run out of the dumpster.

Chicken begins to hallucinate that he is on a strange wasteland, and the cooties are crawling all over him. His beak starts falling off his face, and he calls for an ambulance. But, he's horrified to see that the paramedic is Whiney, who wants another kiss. He runs to a nearby hospital, where Nurse Red Guy asks what's wrong. Chicken tries to explain, but his tongue swells up. The Red Guy guesses that he has cooties, and offers to put him in a wing for treatment. Chicken enters the Cootie Ward, and the Red Guy locks the door behind him. Chicken sees numerous people with giant tongues, missing eyeballs, and some with no butts. Chicken tries running away, but his butt and legs melt off of his body, then his eyeballs pop out of his head. He wonders if things can get any worse, and his beak immediately shrinks. But, he suddenly hears voices calling his name.

Chicken snaps out of his hallucination, and sees Mom and Dad standing in the dumpster with him. They explain that the principal called after seeing Chicken rolling around in the dumpster, screaming about losing his butt. Chicken explains that he got cooties from Whiney. Mom and Dad say that people don't get cooties from kissing girls; they get cooties from toilet seats. Mom says that Chicken probably hurt Whiney's feelings by overreacting to her kiss, and now he needs to kiss her to make things right. Reluctantly, Chicken kisses her, and Whiney happily shouts that Chicken is her boyfriend now. Dad insists that Chicken gets married to Whiney now. Luckily, there is a ship's captain nearby that officiates the ceremony. The captain pronounces Chicken and Whiney married, Mom and Dad cry with joy, and the rest of the kids celebrate. Chicken sarcastically calls this "the happiest day of his life."

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